Frequently Asked Questions
Below are the answers to some questions we are often asked when meeting with the families struggling with addiction.
• Phone: 207-387-0015
• Email: info@thefamilyrestored.org
• Mail: The Family Restored, P.O. Box 10116, Portland, ME 04104
• Follow us on Facebook: The Family Restored
• Attend one of our Virtual Family Support Groups
The mission of The Family Restored is to strengthen and support families affected by addiction.
The founders of The Family Restored have personal experience with the model of 12-step recovery. We are passionate about 12-step recovery. As a result, our programming and financial support is focused on 12-step-based resources that we feel that we can accurately assess.
We understand there are many pathways that meet the diverse needs of those suffering from addiction. While we focus on 12-step recovery at TFR, we fully embrace the freedom for people to choose their own treatment pathway. We are allies to all in recovery.
All facilities who wish to become a TFR Treatment Partner will be required to undergo a review process after their facility has been in operation for at least one year. To request a review of your facility please call us at 207-387-0015.
Staying out all night, and sleeping all day.
• Weight loss
• Experiencing euphoria, becoming extremely happy for no reason
• Sickness like the flu, in and out of the bathroom.
• Pinned pupils
• Dishonesty or lies about very simple matters
• Things are missing from your house
• Secretive phone calls, not responding when asked where they are going
Sober living is often the next recommended step following treatment as it provides a safe environment for your loved one to continue to grow in their recovery. However, there are different levels of these types of living situations. Structured sober living is going to look more like a treatment program. There will be staff at the house to guide residents through the early stages of recovery. The staff will usually provide more direct attention to each person’s journey, assisting not only with recovery, but helping residents improve their life skills and integrate back into the community. Staff will establish a structured, daily schedule that may offer programs such as meditation, 12-Steps, and introducing residents to a group of people in the recovery community. The alternative to structured sober living is regular sober living. These types of houses are generally owned by someone in long-term recovery and managed by a former resident who has agreed to stay as a manager. There is no specific schedule for the day and the resident is hopefully at a point in their recovery where they are working, have a support community, and a sponsor. The rules at a sober living house will be similar to a structured sober living house in that the resident is expected to have a sponsor they meet on a weekly basis, obtain employment, and volunteer a certain number of hours per week. They must attend AA meetings every week, complete a chore, follow all house rules, and be subject to random drug testing. It is important for your loved one to communicate with the house owners, staff and/or managers when he/she feels they are ready to move out or transition to a lower level of sober living
There is no specific amount of time in sober living that can guarantee your loved one’s sobriety. That is the reality of it. However, a thorough stay at a sober house can do a lot for someone’s recovery. A beneficial stay at a sober living facility typically lasts between 3-6 months up to one year. Anything less and the individual may be just biding their time and may not be fully immersed in their sober living experience. Those who go to sober living for a month or two, do get the experience of it, but they do not get to reap the benefits.
This can sometimes be difficult to answer due to the dishonest nature of addiction. Often times, even in sobriety, individuals who struggle with addiction can appear to be doing well on the outside, but have not yet grown on the inside. They may say many of the right things to make you believe they are ready to leave because they are eager to move on. Because their physical health has improved, they are employed, they are in a relationship, they have a little money in their pocket, etc., does not necessarily mean they are ready to move beyond sober living. A more important gauge of how they are doing is to look at their behavior to see how they are treating other people. Are they honest? Do they seem engaged with family and friends? Do they have a solid recovery network? Have they become more independent financially, emotionally, or with their responsibilities? Or are they still relying on you financially or demanding your attention? An addict who is genuinely living a 12-Step recovery program will be more conscious of other people’s needs and no longer require your help on a regular basis. It is also important to determine what their motive is for moving out and if they have a well-thought out plan. Are they moving out based on resentment, bad behavior, or to escape something or somebody? Is the move spontaneous or have they developed a plan that makes sense? You may find it helpful to discuss your loved one’s progress with a house manager or sponsor.
The Family Restored does not recommend or determine how or whether someone should take their medication. We are not medical doctors; we are one avenue for recovery support. Our treatment partners make decisions about medications in partnership with their guests. For anyone who desires to stop taking any medication, we connect them to detox centers to safely transition.
We do not directly facilitate treatment for co-occurring conditions. TFR is focused on recovery from addiction. We understand that addiction can often co-occur with mental health disorders or even physical impairments. Some of our treatment partners have mental health staff and medical providers onsite, others can refer helpful resources.
Scholarship applications can be submitted here: Scholarship Application. Please read our scholarship guidelines thoroughly before submitting an application.
Yes, TFR is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization and all donations are tax deductible. Our Tax ID# 46-4464084.
When dealing with people struggling with addiction, there are very few opportunities to make a move for treatment. Because of an unwillingness to change, the desire to seek help can disappear in a second, leaving the next opportunity unknown. However, there are a few steps you can take to be prepared for when it comes. One, familiarize yourself with local detox facilities and rehab centers. Create a list with phone numbers and contacts. Two, devise a plan the entire family is willing to support and put into action when your loved one asks for help. Three, your loved one will need to be physically removed from his/her drug of choice before entering an intensive long-term treatment program. Four, it is important that your loved one plays a part in seeking recovery and that you are not doing more work than your loved one.
There are a plethora of “sober” houses throughout New England, but unfortunately not all of them live up to the standards we believe are crucial. The first consideration, make sure the person who is managing or owns the sober house is actually in recovery themselves. This is important because you can be assured the person running the house is going to encourage and guide the residents in their own recovery. Next, ask about the rules of the house and familiarize yourself with the standards for accountability. For example, if a house has a rule that residents are to progress in the 12-Steps, how will the house manager hold the resident accountable? An environment where your loved one can sleep in and watch TV all day is not healthy or conducive to recovery. You will want to know who is living in the house as it is beneficial to choose a sober living house that has a high standard of who they accept. A quality sober house will only accept people who have completed some type of long term, in-patient treatment, usually a minimum of 30 days. This will ensure that the other residents at the house have been clean for a period of time and are pursuing recovery. If you discover a sober house that has constant turn around, people entering and exiting weekly, the best thing to do is follow your gut.
This is a question that all parents and loved ones of a drug addict want to know. When your loved one has started the path of 12-Step recovery, you will begin to notice little changes in their lives. The changes are not about their appearance, health, or having a job, but real changes in them as a person. Two of the problems people struggling with addiction suffer from are selfishness and dishonesty. If your loved one is in recovery, being employed, going to meetings, connecting with his/her sponsor and it doesn’t sound like a chore to them, this is a positive sign they are serious about their recovery. Another good sign is when they include you in decisions they need to make in recovery. They will ask questions such as “should I take this job,” “should I leave the sober house,” “what do you think I should do?” This shows their selfishness is diminishing and they are consciously aware of how their decisions can impact others. When your loved one is living honestly, is no longer depending upon you and is taking responsibility for their own actions, you can feel assured your loved one is on the right path. They are beginning to live a sober life.
More often than not, people in AA refer to themselves as “recovering alcoholics.” This can sometimes be misleading, as it may give the impression that that addiction is a life-long struggle. This term gives little hope and implies that addicts will have to live a life in constant fear or relapse. In fact, in the Alcoholics Anonymous text, the word, “recovered” is used several times, referring to a state of mind in which an individual who struggled with addiction reaches a certain point in their recovery where they no longer obsess over the use of drugs and/or alcohol. Someone who has struggled with addiction who has achieved a spiritual awakening as a result of practicing the 12-Steps can live free and content without the temptation to use.